As we approach Father’s Day I want to share a few thoughts concerning Christian men in the home. Specifically I want to focus on husbands and fathers in regards to leadership and biblical manhood. In order to do this lets ask a few questions.
“How do we know what our true roles as husbands and fathers are to be?”
“How do we know if we’re being good husbands and fathers?”
“Who taught us about being husbands and fathers? And who will teach the next generation of men?”
“How do we know what our true roles as husbands and fathers are to be?”
“How do we know if we’re being good husbands and fathers?”
“Who taught us about being husbands and fathers? And who will teach the next generation of men?”
The truth of the matter is most of us were taught long ago something about being husbands and fathers although we may not have realized it or always had the best teachers. Our fathers and grandfathers, possibly stepfathers, uncles, teachers, or neighbors unwittingly served as our models. I don’t remember a class in school ever addressing the topic of how to be a good husband or father and maybe there should have been. What I learned about being a man, husband, and father was by watching not only my father but other adult men in my life. Suffice it to say, I didn't always have the best models and ended up making some of the very mistakes as those I was observing. As Christian men we need to always keep this one thing at the forefront of our thinking; someone is always watching us. Our wives are depending on us to be good leaders in our homes. Our sons are not only watching us but learning from us as well. Our daughters will often make their choice of a husband based on what they see in the life of their daddy.
The Scriptures have much to teach us concerning who we are to be as husbands, fathers, and the role of biblical manhood. Here are four biblical points for us to remember this Father’s Day.
The Scriptures have much to teach us concerning who we are to be as husbands, fathers, and the role of biblical manhood. Here are four biblical points for us to remember this Father’s Day.
1. Every husband is accountable to God for his wife, children and home.
So often throughout my ministry I’ve heard Christians jokingly say that all our issues with sin are to be blamed on Eve because of her actions in the Garden of Eden and nothing to be further from the truth. The events of Genesis 3 of the serpent tempting Eve are often misconstrued by making the woman a scapegoat. A closer examination reveals that Adam was with his wife when she took of the forbidden fruit and failed in his responsibilities. This is not to make an excuse for Eve, but it should be noted that when God pronounces judgment He pronounces it last upon Adam who was ultimately responsible for his wife. In Genesis 2:16 – 17 God had instructed Adam concerning the tree of knowledge of good and evil and that it was not to be eaten from. It was Adam’s responsibility to not only teach his wife the law of God that had been given to him, but it was also his responsibility to protect Eve by standing between her and Satan.
Doctor Tony Evans once made the following statement: “… Satan focuses his attacks on the husband-wife relationship because by destroying that he destroys children and families too. He who controls the family controls the future.”[1]
Doctor Tony Evans once made the following statement: “… Satan focuses his attacks on the husband-wife relationship because by destroying that he destroys children and families too. He who controls the family controls the future.”[1]
2. Christian husbands and fathers are to represent God in the home.
When our wives look at us they should see Christ through our words, actions, and character. Along the same lines our children should also see God the Father. If you want to be the leader that your wife and children will follow then you must first be a follower yourself. This relates back to our first point in which Eve would not have attempted to supersede the authority of Adam had he been the leader he was supposed to be as designed by God. We have no real authority to lead our families apart from God meaning we must first be totally surrendered to His Lordship.
1 Corinthians 11:1-3, 8-12 (ESV) Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. 2 Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. 3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. … 8 For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. 9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 10 That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. 11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; 12 for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.
3. Modeling for our children a proper view of a marriage begins with a right attitude or thinking about love.
We are to love our wives in the same way that Christ loved the Church according to the Apostle Paul, (Ephesians 5:25 – 26). This is a type of love that goes beyond mere feelings of affection. This is a love that is sacrificial and long-suffering. As Christ willingly gave Himself for His Bride, the Church, we also are to demonstrate a willingness to die to self. This is the love that God the Father has shown to the world, (John 3:16). Our children will learn how to love their future spouse because of the unconditional love they witnessed in us as husbands and fathers.
It should also be noted that none of us fall in and out of love. Love is a choice we consciously make and is best demonstrated by God in John 3: 16. Many believe they can fall out of love because they have become disenchanted with the other person in their life and have chosen to believe Satan’s lie that marriage is move from ecstasy to agony over time. The truth is, if Christ is at the center of our life and relationship then our marriages should be better and healthier as time passes.
It should also be noted that none of us fall in and out of love. Love is a choice we consciously make and is best demonstrated by God in John 3: 16. Many believe they can fall out of love because they have become disenchanted with the other person in their life and have chosen to believe Satan’s lie that marriage is move from ecstasy to agony over time. The truth is, if Christ is at the center of our life and relationship then our marriages should be better and healthier as time passes.
4. If we’re truly to be united as one with our wives in marriage then we need to get the “leaving and cleaving” right
from the beginning.
from the beginning.
Genesis 2:24 (NASB95) For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
The “leave” in the passage above literally means we are to sever any and all ties that would come ahead of our wives. This doesn't mean we’re to alienate our families, but simply that our first priority next to Christ should be the relationship we have with our wife. This relationship is to be stronger than even the relationship we have with our children. And the word "cleave" is much more than having a physical relationship. It literally means that as husbands we are to seek to please our wives mentally, emotionally, and spiritually which leads to greater intimacy.
Study after study has shown security is the number one issue for women in most marriages. In Genesis 2:25 it is written “And the man and his wife are both naked and were not ashamed.” Some have suggested, and I think rightly so, the idea of nakedness and not being ashamed refers to more than just physical nakedness. Adam and Eve were transparent with each other, meaning they were open to one another emotionally and spiritually which provided the security Eve needed while also meeting the needs of Adam for help mate.
I close with two thoughts. I believe our wives should be our best friends in life, and when this happens true intimacy is achieved and makes the best marriages. Secondly, I leave you with another quote from Doctor Tony Evans.
Study after study has shown security is the number one issue for women in most marriages. In Genesis 2:25 it is written “And the man and his wife are both naked and were not ashamed.” Some have suggested, and I think rightly so, the idea of nakedness and not being ashamed refers to more than just physical nakedness. Adam and Eve were transparent with each other, meaning they were open to one another emotionally and spiritually which provided the security Eve needed while also meeting the needs of Adam for help mate.
I close with two thoughts. I believe our wives should be our best friends in life, and when this happens true intimacy is achieved and makes the best marriages. Secondly, I leave you with another quote from Doctor Tony Evans.
Creating a mate for Adam was God’s idea, not Adams. That reminds us that all of God’s plans are perfect. If you’re in a bad marriage, it’s not because God had a bad idea. Marriage is His ideal. It’s the partners in a marriage who turn it from an ideal into an ordeal, causing them to look for a new deal. [2]
