Marriage is a choice of freewill based upon one's rational choice
intellectually. Our goal should be to find a good person not a perfect person.
On June 18 of this year my wife and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary, and through our years together we have experienced many things both good and bad. During our most trying times God has always provided for our needs, but particularly He has provided us with comfort and guidance when all seemed to be lost. Because of His presence we have a stronger relationship with each other, and we believe it is the acknowledgment and practice of His Word that continues to bind us together. The things of which I will write over the next few weeks will be based upon what I’ve learned in my own marriage, education, and the 20 plus years of pastoral care counseling I’ve done with hundreds of couples.
First, as Christians we are to view marriage as a sacred gift from God. As we comb the Scriptures it’s easy to see how the idea of marriage belongs to God alone, and it is to be highly valued and protected by those who hold to the Bible as true. A high priority is placed upon marriage because of what it represents and the foundation it provides for a stable society.
We should also be reminded that we were created for fellowship as designed by God in order to ultimately glorify Him. Some mistakenly teach that our spouse is a gift which is to complete us, yet the truth is our spouse is to complement us in our work and service together for God. The “helpmate” spoken of in Genesis 2:18 is one who provides strength where the other is weak and vice versa.
Genesis 2:18 (ESV) Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that
the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Secondly, many relationships in our culture today began on the wrong footing because they are based upon a physical attraction. These marriages and relationships are primarily expressed through physical intimacy and are rarely strong enough to last. Typically one or both suffer with low self-esteem which ultimately leads to a relationship with fewer outside friends because the physical contact becomes all-consuming. True intimacy suffers because these couples really never learn how to communicate with each other, and their relationship is normally over within a three to five year period of time.
Third, the ideal foundation for a marriage is built upon a friendship based upon common goals and attitudes which are primarily rooted in a belief in Jesus Christ. If Christ is at the center of each individual’s life within a relationship, then He also becomes the connecting ligament that holds the relationship together. While our spouses complement us it is Christ Who completes us.
If we hold Christ in common with our spouse then this one shared focus provides us a consistent foundation to build upon. It is a proven fact that those who hold similar religious views and levels of commitment are more likely to stay together. In reality your spouse should be your best friend upon this earth. This is the person who you are intimate with physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is also the person who is your closest confidant next to Christ, and who lifts you in prayer when all others willingly forsake you.
I leave you with this thought which I've shared with many others; “If you desire a better wife then be a better husband, and if you desire a better husband then be a better wife.” Continue to develop your friendship. Spend time together in the daily routines of life. Attend church together, pray together, develop new interest together, but most of all walk together in Christ praying for one another and being a strength where the other is weak.