A few nights ago I was relaxing and watching a little television before bed, and during one of the many commercials I started going through my emails and one, in particular, caught my attention. The headline which jumped off the page read, "Four Months After Giving Birth, Pastor’s Wife Commits Suicide," (you can read the article here). Every time I get an opportunity to share the ministry of Christ-Centered Solutions, I take a few minutes and tell other believers how much stress and strain pastors and their families are under today. There is so much stress that the number of pastors leaving the ministry for reasons other than retirement is mind-boggling. Consider these numbers, "1,500 ministers leave the ministry every month in America, 90% will leave before the age of retirement, and 94% of pastoral families state they feel the pressures of ministry. These are the latest numbers we have from the Fuller Institute and Barna Research 2019, (click here to see the full list).

I know firsthand the struggles of being a pastor, and not only do I know the struggles well but so do my wife and our two sons. A pastor's wife and children are not immune from the difficulties, hurts, pain, and heartache of ministry life. Corner my wife Teresa and ask her about the stress of being a pastor's wife and you no doubt will get an ear full. Of course from a pastor's point of view, I know of the pain many pastors attempt to bury, trying to hide it from themselves and others. And when the stress and struggles become too much to bear, it's easy for suicidal thoughts to slip into our thinking.

Don't get me wrong, there are many, many blessings of being called by God to serve as a pastor in the local church. Throughout our years in the pastorate, Teresa and I can easily recall the names of former members who made our time with them very joyful (Hebrew 13:17). But the reality is that pastors and their families will often suffer in silence, or better yet, secret because of the need to feel almost perfect before their congregants, and sometimes before other pastors (Article: The Curse of Competition). Now, it isn't uncommon for pastors to entertain thoughts of perfectionism, but all too often some members and church leaders help solidify the idea.

Back to the article on Paige Hilken for just a moment. I'm not stating that Paige committed suicide due to some ministry issue she or her husband were experiencing in the church. Clearly, the article points to several health-related issues including her mental health struggles with postpartum depression. My point is that pastors, pastor wives, and their children routinely believe they have no place to turn, or no one they can share their pain with and expect all to remain confidential. Ministry life can be very lonely, and more often than not it's lonely because of deep-seated fears about being removed from the ministry altogether.

If you get nothing else from my rambling here, please get this, pastors and their families need more than a livable wage and our prayers. Pastors and their families need our understanding when they appear frail, they need our friendship, a compassionate heart, and a non-condemning ear to listen. These ministers of grace who devote their lives to loving God's people well are hurting, and I don't want another one to commit suicide or walk away from the ministry because the pain is too great. We need them to walk with us, and they need us to do the same for them. We are our brother's and sister's keepers (1 Peter 3:8; 1 Thessalonians 4:9).

If you agree with me that our pastors and their families need our support, would you please commit to helping me and the ministry of Christ-Centered Solutions. We need you to join with us to be a blessing to our pastors and their wives by providing the confidential support they need. Please consider becoming a monthly Ministry Partner with us. Even if you can't become a monthly Ministry Partner at this time you can help by sharing this blog with your pastor, a deacon, or another church leader, and encourage them to contact me about visiting your church to tell other Christians about the ministry of Christ-Centered Solutions.

You can email by clicking here if you'd like to contact me about coming to your church, ministry, or business.
You can also reach me by phone in South Carolina by calling our main office at (843) 829-0970, or in North Carolina at our Wilmington office (910) 399-6714

Lastly, if you or a friend are considering suicide please call Christ-Centered Solutions or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

Blessings dear friend,
Rod

Several years ago, when my mother-in-law was still alive and living in her home, Teresa and I would try to visit on a regular basis. On these visits we could not help but notice an old yellow dog chained to a stake in the neighbor’s backyard. The old boy did not look malnourished, he always appeared to have water, but he was an angry dog. Teresa and I both felt so sorry for the dog. Day and night he stayed chained to that stake, with a doghouse made from some unpainted plywood next to the stake, and a maple tree a few feet away to provide some shade in the summer and shelter in the winter, he was never free of that chain. 
 
His owner wasn’t breaking any laws, but in my mind, he walked a narrow line (personally, I see no reason in having a dog if that is one's idea of having a pet). On each visit I considered calling the SPCA but what would I tell them that would change the fate of that old dog.
 
The dog had a vicious bark anytime someone other than his owner came near to him. There were times I would be out back, and I wanted to approach him hoping to comfort him in some way, but I could never get close enough to do so. He was just angry and agitated anytime I approached.  
 
As I thought about his life of confinement, I suppose there was a sense of safety in his bonds. Truthfully, his enslavement and his master were the only things he knew of this world. He had learned to live with his chains and the changing seasons under the maple tree.  
 
I think something similar happens to some in the world in which we live. I’ve seen such spiritual and mental enslavement in my many years of ministry, and frankly, I can think of seasons in my life when I too have felt the coldness of chains binding me, metaphorically of course.
 
There are times in life when trials and tribulations have us so tied up inwardly that we lash out at all who approach seeking to help free us. Perhaps we rail against such individuals because the idea of someone coming near is a belief that the one approaching brings only more pain and sorrow into our lives. Yet, like that old dog, maybe it is that we have just become comfortable in a state of bondage, and we believe life will never be better than it is presently.
 
Throughout my pastoral ministry, and even in my ministry with Christ-Centered Solutions now, I see individuals who are bound, enslaved in their sins, and unwilling to take the steps necessary to break free. Then there are others who walk into my office and realize they have believed the lies which have held them captive for years, but now they want nothing more than to be free. Isn’t that how we were before our conversion, that is, those of us who have surrendered to Christ?

In Romans 7:24 the Apostle Paul spoke of his own struggles by asking the question, “Who will deliver me from this body of death?” Then in verse 25 of chapter 7 and into chapter 8 he shares the solution to the bondage of sin and the lies she spins – it is in and through Christ Who frees the believer. I love his words in Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” There is no judgment that can be brought against the one who is IN Christ, for He has set you free!
 
One of the greatest privileges as a pastor, and as a Biblical counselor is to share the Gospel of Christ with those who are lost and who then surrender to Him as Savior and Lord. The second greatest privilege is reminding believers their identity is in Christ, the One to whom they belong, and the One Who provides their freedom for all eternity.
 
I beg you to pray for CCS and me, I also beg you to pray about supporting the ministry of CCS on a monthly basis with an offering of any amount. Those who are in bondage need your help. Please visit www.christcenteredsolutions.org to make a tax deductible donation, to learn more about the ministry, or schedule an appointment.
 
Blessings,
Rod    
 
P.S. On one of my last visits to my mothers-in-law’s home, and after her passing, I did call the SPCA, but to what good it did for the dog I couldn’t tell you.     

I'd like to share a thought with you on trying to understand or process the afflictions and struggles we face in life, and to do so from a Biblical perspective. For the Christian, having a Biblical worldview is most important, it is literally how we are to interpret the world in which we live. It’s also important when it comes to how we interpret the Scriptures. Let’s look at a portion of Psalm 119.

In this Psalm, the Psalmist says something a bit odd, odd that is if one has a worldly mindset.

Psalm 119:65-72 (ESV) You have dealt well with your servant, O LORD, according to your word. Teach me good judgment and knowledge, for I believe in your commandments. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. You are good and do good; teach me your statutes. The insolent smear me with lies, but with my whole heart I keep your precepts; their heart is unfeeling like fat, but I delight in your law. It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces.

Did you catch what the Psalmist said? – “It is good for me that I was afflicted…” Another translation renders the first part of verse 71 as, “My suffering was good for me, …” I’ll tell you, folks, that’s NOT how most people in America, or anywhere else I’ve traveled in the world thinks about afflictions.

How in this world can physical, emotional, or spiritual affliction ever be good for us?

First, let us clarify a couple of things. One, the word “afflicted” here is used twice within the passage and is the Hebrew word “ʿānâ” and it literally means to be “oppressed.” It’s a word we hear used a lot today in our culture, and just a thought here, it is a word that's overused in my opinion. Yet, I digress. The word “afflicted” in the passage is used in the sense of being humbled, i.e., a state of oppression that humbles one.
Second, our afflictions (sufferings) are often self-inflicted, but they can also as we read earlier be SENT by God, and most definitely USED by Him. In verse 67 of this Psalm, the Psalmist wrote, “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word.” Our afflictions, that is our struggles and sufferings have a way of either drawing us close to God or pushing us farther away from Him. They also have the ability to bring joy or bitterness. The Scriptures contain a plethora of examples for us to see how this plays out. Think for a moment about those in the Old Testament like Joseph who the more he suffered the more he trusted God. And then we see individuals such as Cain who is just angry and bitter. His supposed suffering was mild in comparison to Joseph, yet his anger and bitterness lead to the killing of his brother.

We also have examples in the New Testament. Take Paul and Steven, these servants of Christ suffered greatly but maintained a sense of great joy in their troubles. On the other side, we have those who ran from Christ and His Gospel when tough times came. Men like Demas and Alexander, two men whom you’ve probably never heard of because most preachers tend not to focus on them, why should we?

The point? You are not alone in your affliction and sufferings, even though it may often feel that way. Let’s go back to the Psalmist’s statement of being afflicted by God and that it was good. It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. Pain is often one of the best teachers in life, it is in our pain that we turn to find relief, and for many of us, we turned to Christ to aid us in our afflictions. Also, it is Christ Jesus Who truly understands afflictions better than anyone to ever walk the face of this earth, He was destined to suffer on the believer’s behalf (Isaiah 53:5-10). It is the writer of Hebrews who tells us that Christ Jesus understands our afflictions because He took them upon himself when He came in His first advent.

One last thought. Our afflictions can be good for others. It is in times of suffering that the heart of a believer can be softened, and it is in that tenderness that others are benefited. Suffering helps us as human beings to identify with those who are currently living through trials and heartache. Hear this and know that the believer is to comfort others just as he/she has been comforted.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (ESV) Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

Blessings,
Rod

I was able to spend some time with a great pastor and friend the other day, and during our visit, we talked about a variety of issues impacting the Church today, Hurricane Florence, COVID-19, and building struggles in the SBC. We also discussed the ministry of Christ-Centered Solutions. Check out my conversation with Rev. Joey Canady of Hampstead Baptist Church.

Earlier this week I uploaded a new video to my “ Just Thinking ” YouTube page and on day two, it went from about a hundred views to over a thousand. At the time of this writing there have been over 1,600 views. Now, I haven’t had any other videos take off like this one did, even my testimony took over a month to reach a thousand views. I also began to notice more comments and shares on my “Just Thinking” Facebook page and a couple on YouTube. Several of the comments have been quite interesting, and they all revolve around the word – GOD.

The video I uploaded getting all this attention at the moment is entitled, “ Why Didn’t God Stop the Abuse? ” Some of the comments came with assumptions based on the title rather than watching the video. Some individuals thought the video was about domestic abuse, but it was actually a response to a poster who had watched the question and answer segment with Dr. Milanak and me. This poster was challenging the existence of God and in their opinion, there was no grace or mercy to be observed in my story. Here is David’s statement in full, “If this is an example of god’s grace and healing, it means nothing, or it (god), wouldn’t have allowed the injury in the first place. ” I’m pretty sure David is an atheist. Others like him who I have interacted with in the past almost always address God as “it,” while also refusing to capitalize the word God.

The two posters on YouTube had similar statements to the one David left on Facebook, yet they went farther in their condemnation. These men questioned my intellect and ability to think critically, which is often an “argument” atheist make against Christians and other religious minded individuals. The truth is, the stance atheist often take against Christians isn’t an argument at all, but an attack rooted in emotion. They hurl disparagements toward followers of Christ such as being anti-intellectuals with the hope of quieting others. These two boiled my answer to the abuse question down to simply being stupid and weak for believing in God.

Let’s ask ourselves a few questions.

“Why do atheist get so upset when someone trust in a loving God they say doesn’t exist?”

“So, what if someone’s belief in God is a crutch? ( I’m not saying that belief is a crutch ) If said belief helps a person to cope with the daily struggles of life, then why would any open minded and tolerant person care what another believes?”

I have a theory about why atheists care what Christians believe. They care because when confronted with the truth their hearts and minds fall under conviction. They struggle for answers concerning pain and evil, but without God there isn’t a viable answer that can satisfy their deepest longings. They know that when they sit at the side of a dying loved one, they have nothing to offer but sorrow, and then they’re confronted with their own mortality, that one day they too will face the end of life with no hope.

In years past my skin wasn’t as thick as it is now, and such responses from individuals troubled me because I would wonder if I had made some sort of mistake making a bad situation worse. Today, I’m still troubled but for a far different reason. I don’t think producing such works and writings to be questioned or challenged by others is a mistake, actually it’s quite the opposite. I think it’s a mistake NOT to put out videos and blogs like the one getting attention now. It’s a mistake NOT to take every opportunity using the tools at hand to share the Gospel of Christ, even if it offends the unbeliever. Remember these words from the Apostle Paul?

1 Corinthians 1:18-19 (ESV) For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.”

Romans 10:14-15 (ESV) How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!”

Christian, we have a responsibility to share the Gospel through each and every avenue presented to us, for in doing so it will make an eternal difference for some. While Christ-Centered Solutions focuses primarily on the needs of those in the Church, there are also many opportunities to share with those who are outside as well. My “ Just Thinking ” blog/vlog are an extension of CCS and I need your continued help to grow this ministry for the glory of Christ. Here’s how you can be a vital part of this ministry. 

1. Follow the video links in this newsletter and Subscribe to my “Just Thinking” YouTube page. The more people who subscribe to the “Just Thinking” page encourages YouTube to share the videos with a broader audience, and therefore the more the Gospel is shared, and more Christians are introduced to the ministry of CCS.   
2. Pray for the ministry itself, which includes our Board of Directors, Teresa and me.
3. Become a monthly partner of CCS - A donation of just $10 a month will go to help cover the cost of travel, websites, newsletters, and other materials to put into the hands of hurting brothers and sisters, as well as producing works to stir the hearts and minds of unbelievers. A donation of $25, $50, or $75 a month goes to help cover the cost of other Christians who are seeking help but can’t afford the help they need. I do a lot of premarital and marital counseling for little or no cost. I use a variety of tools in these sessions including marriage workbooks, online tutorials, and tests. So, when couples and individuals can’t cover the costs associated with Biblical counseling CCS does.
4. Become a Barnabas Partner. The Barnabas Partnership is a $1,200 annual gift (can be given in $100 a month installments) which allows me to serve as a pastor, coach, and counselor to other pastors. Designating funds to this area of ministry provides funds for the pastoral care, coaching, and encouragement of pastors and their spouses primarily in smaller churches. Most of these pastors are isolated and rarely have a confidant to turn to in times of need, or when questions arise where they may feel vulnerable. These pastors normally are lower wage earners in full-time pastorates or bivocational churches and struggling to stay afloat. The Barnabas Partnership makes sure no pastor or spouse will ever receive a charge for care.
5. If you can’t become a monthly partner, please consider giving a one-time gift of any amount. You can also visit the Amazon.com link and purchase the book, “Marriage and the Family from a Biblical Worldview. This is my first book and all funds go to the ministry of Christ-Centered Solutions.

Please follow these links to:

Give a one-time gift online or to become a monthly partner: Christ-Centered Solutions.org

Purchase: “ Marriage and the Family from a Biblical Worldview ”

Watch: “ Why Didn’t God Stop the Abuse ”

And please don’t forget to subscribe to “ Just Thinking ” on YouTube by clicking the subscribe button in the bottom left corner of the video

May God keep and bless you!   

​Just a few days ago I received a post from a gentleman who had just watched the Q&A portion of “Resilience: A Testimony of God’s Grace and Healing,” where Dr. Melissa Milanak and I discuss the healing process of my PTSD. In that video we talk about the importance of faith, my relationship with God, and His working through Melissa and others to help me with this disorder. The response of this gentleman, whose name is David is interesting, and I’d like to share it with you along with my thoughts. 

He wrote: “If this is an example of god’s grace and healing, it means nothing, or it (god), wouldn’t have allowed the injury in the first place.”
 
Notice his view of “god” – that is little “g” God. I think there’s a strong possibility David is either an atheist or at an agnostic. There also seems to be a hint of anger in David’s statement. I find this to be pretty typical from the few negative responses on my “Just Think” Facebook page regrading these two videos.
 
Now, at first, I wasn’t going to respond to David, but then I decided I did need to say something. I usually don’t respond to a lot of what I consider to be negative comments or post anymore. My reasoning is that Facebook, and other social media platforms, really don’t allow us to give in-depth answers to attacking comments left by posters. I have tried to answer such critics in the past by writing a long in-depth response, and only then to receive yet another negative comment whereby I felt the need to write even more with an argument going nowhere. That’s why I occasionally write a blog or produce a video like the one above where I can address issues more fully.
 
Back to David.
 
My response to his statement of God’s absence of grace or lack of caring went like this: “I'm sorry your philosophical view won't allow you to see the grace of God in the service of others who minister to the hurting. You certainly have a right to question the value of the video, but you have no rights to the credibility of my experience of healing in the work done with Dr. Milanak. The real question raised in your statement is that of God's role in my experience and others like me. Acts of evil lay squarely on the shoulders of mankind in his fall/sin and not on God. I suspect though that you deny the existence of God, and if you're right, the problem is still an issue with mankind. I pray God's grace and peace will be manifested to you. Thank you for watching and at least hearing what I had to say.”
 
I think it’s interesting that we as human beings often want to attack God’s character by questioning why He doesn’t intervene and stop the evil before it happens, while on the other hand when He has done so as in the past, we criticize Him as some maniacal monster.
 
What do I mean?
 
Many atheist and critics of the Bible attack God’s actions in the Old Testament, calling Him a “monster” when He ordered the Israelites to wipe-out certain clans and people groups which included men, women and children. His reasoning was often in response to the abusive practices of these groups, which at times included the sacrificing of children to the god Molech by burning them to death. There were others also who He ordered to be put to death, (even some Israelites because of these same sacrificial practices), or because of their acts of sexual immorality involving women, children, and animals.

What David and others don’t often understand, or better yet acknowledge, is that God has never been the problem, it’s mankind and his sin. Listen, there have been times in my life when I have struggled with this truth, because I personally wanted revenge for what was done to me. I didn’t always like the thought of leaving justice up to God because like Jonah, I know God is gracious and long suffering. 
 
So, we come back to question at hand. Could God have stopped my abusers along with every other abuser throughout history? We could also ask: Could He have stopped Hitler, Stalin, and Mao? Could have stopped the terrorist on 911, or the mass shootings in the last couple of weeks, or last few years?
 
Of course He could, but that would require an act even more extreme on His Part. It would require God eliminating everyone, all men, women, and children from the annals of history. Again, God isn’t the problem, and eliminating Him from the equation isn’t the answer because it doesn’t change the abuser, mass murdering dictator, or the mentally deranged who shoot random people.
 
Often, there's question that follows and it is, "Then why couldn’t God take out just those who are evil and leave the rest of us to live a peaceful existence?" What’s interesting about this question is that we never see ourselves as evil, only those who commit the most heinous acts. The truth is we’re all evil, we’re all sinners in need of God’s grace and mercy, and by removing only those we don’t like creates other problems like the domino and ripple effects.
 
As for David’s question of God’s grace within my trauma, I choose to see Him, God,  working in and through the compassion and love of other Christians, like my wife, family, church, and Melissa. Clearly, David missed mine and Melissa’s statement on the providence of God in our first meeting. Had she not been a follower of Christ, there’s no doubt I wouldn’t have returned for a second visit to receive the help I desperately needed.
 
Lastly, as I’ve told many others, I don’t believe God wastes the pain of His children. I truly believe His intention is to take what Satan has meant for evil and to turn it into something beautiful and redeeming for His glory. For me, I choose to believe God will take my hurt and pain and put it to use for someone else who has experienced something similar, and who is also in need of His healing. 
 
If you haven’t watched, “Resilience: A Testimony of God’s Grace and Healing” parts 1 and 2, please follow the links in the description below.    
 
Blessings, till next time!

Resilience: A Testimony of God's Grace & Healing Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn8_d... Resilience: A Testimony of God's Grace & Healing Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKOFn...

This is my story, my testimony of coming to Christ and living with PTSD. It's my prayer that others who suffer from PTSD will hear this story and seek Christ and the help they may need to overcome their own pain and suffering. Please visit the resource page at www.christcenteredsolutions.org to receive a copy of "Resilience: A Testimony of God's Grace & Healing."